Photo credit- smbrokowski6 @ morguefile.com
This part, this is the genuinely difficult part. All of the physical complications of having a disability pale in comparison to the emotional issues surrounding it. I've always intellectually known I had a disability but 99.999% of the time I don't think about it. What color eyes do you have? How often do you think about your eye color? The difference is eye color doesn't customarily impede regular activities. In my case, that is my mindset regarding my physical self and its differences from that of many others. The adaptations I have and have had to make are entirely second nature to me. Sometimes when planning to meet up with friends I'll even forget to ask whether entrances have curb cuts or stairs.
Sadly, many businesses don't realize that there are actual technical standards for wheelchair accessibility and many still fall short. Such standards are known to be part of Universal Design. Universal Design is an integral part of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990. It's a form of design that allows something to used by as many people as possible. Not following the ADA is against the law, it isn't just "mean" or "unfair".
Beyond accessibility, there are issues of acceptance, inclusion, ignorance, equality, friendship, illness, loss, love, and relationships. The issues I listed here barely scratch the surface of my experience as someone with a disability. Everyone experiences these things but sometimes when you have a disability, you can be forced to deal with some of them when you're very young. I'm going to start with acceptance and inclusion. They go hand-in-hand and are the basis for relationships.
Not being accepted by one's peers can be painful, especially when you're young. My first memory of non-acceptance occurred when I was about five years old. I wanted to join a group of children playing at recess. I barely got past "hello" before being scowled at and greeted with "you're weird, you can't play with us". Incidents like this are not uncommon regardless of circumstance. When someone has a disability though, the immaturity and ignorance directed at you doesn't always end with age. Cruelty and hatred can carry on well past childhood. People tend to make fun and act hatefully toward things they don't understand or to make themselves feel better about their own life.
The most frustrating thing about this, in today's world accurate information can be made available in seconds. Acceptance can be a wonderful thing but it has to come from within first. Please remember that whatever it is that makes you different can be an awestriking and grand thing. Who you are is who you were meant to be. You are worthy of kindness, respect, and love.
Inclusion is an important thing and can be a catalyst for years-long relationships. I believe everyone deserves a chance to get to know someone or try something new. In my case though if I'm not wanted somewhere I would rather take part in another activity-solo or otherwise. I want to be included but not simply because I have a disability and someone feels they have meet some moral quota. I want to be included based on who I am as a person. Being friends with someone with a disability can require a lot of patience and understanding. We generally move slower than most folks and a lot of daily living activities can take longer than even we expect on any given day.
When a lot of people look at me they see this beacon of courage and hope. The truth is I get scared about the future, just like everyone else. I get impatient with myself, others,and a lot of the processes I have to go through just to get the equipment and help I need. The previously mentioned ignorance often finds me on otherwise lovely days and tries to ruin my fun. I do my best not to let it, but don't always win. Sometimes things get heavy because at the end of the day it can feel like wheels are being spun but I'm going nowhere. On the plus side, I'm funny, a good listener, and an excellent advocate for myself and others, and an extremely loyal friend. Just don't steal my popcorn at the movies, that's annoying, just ask I'll share! :) Thanks for reading. See you soon!
Jennifer
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